101 Ways to get in Trouble in the Survey Corps
by Erik Graves son of Death
Summary: 101 Ways to Get in trouble in the Survey Corps! Wherein Sasha and Connie get into trouble, Armin can kick ass if he has too and Hanji is still crazy! Based off of a fic called ways to get kicked out of the survey corps.
1. Chapter 1

_**Based off of a Fic called ways to get kicked out of the Survey Corps. Better than this shit.**_

_**1\. Do NOT call Heichou Levi**_ _**short.**_

Connie and Sasha were eventually found, alive, albeit bound together with handcuffs and dangling over the side of Wall Rose.

_**2: Do NOT tell Petra that Levi returns her feelings. **_

The sexual screams (Levi) and Moans (Petra) were heard through out the HQ. When seen again, Levi was rocking back and forth saying "So painful yet. . .so pleasurable" while Petra sat on the bed with a shit eating grin on her face.

_**3\. Do NOT tie Eren to Mikasa's bed, naked.**_

"Mikasa, what are you doing? Untie me! Wait. . .Are you. . no wait, that doesn't go there! HEY HE-mmff" was all that was heard from Eren, other than sexual moans.

_**4: Do NOT tell Hanji that Eren has begun a 'Mating Season'. **_

Hanji flipped out, grabbed her note book and ran to Eren's room, kicked the door open, only to find that he was doing less than decent things with Mikasa. She then cried " Its true!" before having a massive nosebleed and passing out on the floor.

_**5: Do NOT tell Eren that the secrets of the destruction of the Titans are hidden in Mikasa's pants. **_

His reaction was that he had already checked, many times, including on a training run on the 3DMG if you get my meaning.

_**6: Do NOT say 'Thats what she said!' after every sentence you hear. **_

At first it was relatively funny, but after 3 days, lets just say Connie got what was coming for him.

_**7: Do NOT lock the food stores and then tell Sasha that the only food is in Connie's pants. **_

Her reaction was this: "There is no food in his pants! There is a drink though" she said with a slight smirk. "That's what she said!" Connie yelled from across to room before getting drop kicked by Mikasa. "I swear to Hajime, next time you say that, I won't stop Sasha from draining you!" she yelled at him. "Oh god no, I swear, I'll stop!" he yelled, fear in his eyes. "What do they mean by draining?" Petra asked. "You don't want to know" Connie replied.

_**8:**_ _**Do NOT**_ **_replace all the blades with rubber swords. _**

As training commenced and the members of the Spec. Ops. Team + the 104th Trainees group survivors were swooping through the trees on their 3DMG, Levi spotted one of the Training Titans. He found this entire exercise stupid, but he wanted to keep his form up. So he did his signature Wheel of Doom attack, only to have the rubber blade bounce back up and hit him in the face.

_**9: Do NOT call**_ _**Armin Shota Bait.**_

Surprisingly, when Jean did this, Armin kicked him in the balls, knee kicked him in the face while was bent over then kidney punched him. "Don't say that to me again Horse face" was all he said before walking away muttering curse words all the way back to the barracks.

_**10: Do NOT tell Sasha that there is no food left. **_

Eren's screams were heard as Sasha ripped off his left butt cheek and cooked it before eating it. Luckily, It grew back in 10 minutes. Mikasa nearly cut Sasha a new hole before the next food shipment arrived.

**_*A man with Blood Red Eyes appears with his hood up* _**

**_"Well Hello my fans! I am Erik Grave's projection of his personality! He just wanted to say that he hope you enjoyed it and to RnR! That is about it! bye!" he said before dissappting into black rose petals. _**

**_Mikasa: I'm a badass. . .but I can't do that. Well shit. . .*starts researching a way to turn her body into black rose petals*  
_**

**_Me: Erm, Mikasa, you can't. I can only do it since I ain't human.  
_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**11**_**_. Do NOT put laxatives in Jean's coffee. _**

He first took a 1 hour shit then proceeded to chase after Armin with his blades drawn, all while Armin was laughing his ass off.

**_12\. Do NOT put aphrodisiac in Levi's tea_**.

To the shock of the entire Survey Corps, he picked up Petra and carried her to his room, upon then the entire Corps having to evacuate the entire HQ just to escape Petra's sexual screams. She was later seen limping with a slight grin on her face, while Levi walked beside her and for once in his life, had a shit eating grin plastered to his face.

_**13\. Do NOT put sleeping pills in Sasha's potatoes. **_

She ate the potatoe. Then the next one. And the Next one. Before the pills kicked in and she flopped face first into a bowl of mashed potatoes. Connie continued to yell, "Everybody do the flop!", and upon saying this, everyone flopped face first to the ground. Eren turned into a titan from the self inflicted injury.

_**14\. FOR THE LOVE OF HAJIME AND THE SAKE OF MANKIND, DO NOT GIVE MIKASA OR LEVI ALCOHOL!**_

This actually occurred. The two jumped the wall, retook wall maria then blew a new hole in it, nearly had sex, killed 3 strippers, managed to get a party hat on a titan's head and danced the hokey pokey with it before returning to the HQ, and upon entering, Mikasa tackled Eren, dragged him to her room and violently had her way with him and Levi didn't even think about the room. He just grabbed Petra and started undressing her. When this occurred, everyone left the HQ, fearing the hangover the two would have.

_**15\. Do NOT tell Hanji that Eren's titan form shows signs of reproductive organs. **_

When Connie told Hanji this as a joke, she forced him to transform and upon seeing that Connie was joking, took her anger out on poor Eren. Luckily, his genitalia grew back.

_**16\. Do NOT tell Mikasa that Eren's genitals will grow back and you can rip us dick off and use it as a dildo. **_

She laughed and said "why would I need a dildo when I have Eren in the first place?" before punching Connie in the teeth, knocking 3 out and breaking his nose.

_**17\. Do NOT tell Levi that Hanji is working on a serum to make titan shifters and if it works, it might make him Taller. **_

He cried. Heichou Levi literally cried to the heavens saying it was a dream come true. Eren then said it was a joke. His genitals were not amused after being removed 3 times.

**_18\. Do NOT tell Hanji that Armin wanted to become her apprentice. _**

He accepted and eventually turned into another, albeit smaller and male, Hanji.

_**19\. Do NOT send a message to wall Sina saying Code 51. **_

The entire wall was locked down, every citizen was patted down and a dome of metal formed over the interior of the wall. Turns out Code 51 meant Alien invasion.

_**20\. Do NOT switch all the Survey Corps capes for Superman Capes. **_

Levi was not amused, even less so when he found out it was Jean. Jean's screams were heard for miles.

_**21\. Do NOT tell Erwin to make an annual Survey Corps play to keep morale up. **_

Despite the constant warnings of Levi, Commander Erwin stayed adamant. The show went on without a hitch and it turned out that Eren and Mikasa made a beautiful Baritone/Mezzo-Soprano duet. Though, when the kissing scene came up, it went from chaste to full blown make out session.


	3. Chapter 3

**22\. Do NOT allow Hanji to 'Play' with Eren. **

Eren was later found missing all limbs. Fortunately, they grew back.

**23\. For the love of GOD do NOT allow Hanji unsupervised access to the lab!  
**

She switched Mikasa's and Eren's bodies, Turned Armin into a girl (he didn't complain), created the internet and posted yaoi on it, then made a miniature of herself.

**24\. Do NOT introduce the Survey Corps. to the internet!**

"Mikasa?" Eren said in the smallest voice possible. "Yes Eren?" She replied. "I don't like Gay porn" was all he said before passing out.

**25\. Do not hit Mikasa for no reason.**

Connie punched her in the shoulder saying "Punch wagon no punch backs!" before getting drop kicked by Eren who gave off an aura similar to Levi.

**26\. Do NOT give Krista coffee.**

Everyone thought it would be okay, that the tiny goddess couldn't do anything evil. They were wrong, oh so very wrong. The screams of the 104th were heard for miles.

**27\. Do NOT introduce the Christianity to the SNK world.**

Levi raised the Book of Armaments up high reading:

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the LORD did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutangs an breakfast cereals., and fruit bats. And the LORD spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

Eren then pulled out the holy pin. "One. Two. FIVE!" he said before being corrected by Armin "Three Sir, three!" he yelled. "THREE!" Eren yelled before lobbing the grenade at a titan.

**27\. Do NOT give Levi cleaning products for his birthday.** He was not amused.

**28\. Nor give Mikasa a new scarf.**

She set it on fire then snuggled her face into her original scarf smiling.

**29\. Do NOT 'Give' Krista to Ymir.**

The HQ once again had to be evacuated to escape the sexual sounds.

**30\. Do NOT hit Levi with a mudball.**

Eren was later found next to Connie and Sasha dangling off the edge of Wall Rose. In handcuffs.


	4. Chapter 4

**31\. Do NOT poke Eren incessantly.**

Levi did this as his chosen way to drive his subordinate to insanity. Eren went full titan and punted the midget into the side of Wall Rose. He is currently hanging alongside Connie and Sasha. In handcuffs.

**32\. Do NOT steal Mikasa's Scarf. **

Erwin thought it was a good idea for national prank day. He is currently located next to Levi. Hanging off Wall Rose. In handcuffs.

**33\. Do NOT flirt with Mikasa.**

Jean finally grew a pair and tried. They were soon removed all while Mikasa was yelling 'I love no one but Eren'.

**34\. Do NOT give Eren caffeine.**

"HeywhatsgoingonthisshitisgoodIlikeyourhairletskillsometitansILIKETRAINS" was all he said before falling face first unconscious.

**35\. Do NOT give Mikasa coffee. **

Instead of talking very quickly then passing out, she grabbed her 3DMG and Eren and disappeared for a day.

**36\. Do NOT tell Erwin that it is a good idea to blow Annie out of her Crystal with explosives.**

He smiled, quite insanely, then started pulling dynamite out of a backpack and placing it around her.

**37\. Do NOT tell Erwin that Levi is gay for him. **

Erwin puked, while yelling "Straight as a board!"

**38\. Do NOT tell Krista that Hanji 'accidentally' turned Ymir's clitoris into a penis.**

She smiled, insanely. The HQ once again had to evacuate to escape the sounds of sex. All while Levi was muttering "Horny Brats"

**39\. Do NOT give titans testosterone gel.**

Hanji gave this a shot, deciding it was a good experiment. She was later found curled up in her bed whimpering with a smile on her face.

**40\. Do NOT use Levi as titan bait.**

Erwin decided it was a good idea, because he could fight his way out if he had to. The titans ignored him because he was too small, and he annihilated the horde because of that.


	5. Chapter 5

**41\. I will not get Eren drunk.**

He went full titan, kicked Levi into Wall Rose again, broke Erwin's arm, Broke then repaired Rose and flipped off the king before putting a party hat on General Pixis and dancing with him.

** 42\. I will not send out invitations to Erwin and Levi's wedding.**

Levi burned them all. Erwin never got around to telling him that he had a honeymoon planned.

** 43\. I will not suggest that Erwin get automail.**

First thing he said was how much.

** 44\. Nor will I recommend an engineer.**

Winry took one look at him and gave him a price.

** 45\. I will not suggest that Hanji 'mate' with Eren.**

She smiled devilshly before cackling like a witch and running off to find him.

** 46\. I will not point out that Edward Elric is taller than Levi.**

Ed laughed. Levi throat punched him.

** 47\. I will not get Annie drunk.**

Death ensued. She went full titan and destroyed the bar.

** 48\. I will not keep Eren awake for days as an experiment.**

When he heard about it, he jumped wall rose and hid on top of wall maria for a couple of days.

** 49\. I will not suggest that Eren go to anger management.**

He knocked Connie's teeth out.

** 50\. I will not send out invites to Eren and Levi's wedding.**

Levi, Eren and Mikasa were put in jail for attempted murder of General Pixis. Pixis was laughing the entire time.

***man with blood red eyes swoops in on 3DMG***

**I apologize for not updating, I broke my elbow so I won't be updating for about another month after this. I am truly sorry! Just typing this with only one had took a LONG time. I'll do my best though and thank you Not So Human for the ideas!**


	6. Chapter 6

**51\. I will not point out that if Eren and Mikasa got married, Levi would be Eren's in-law.**

"Mikasa, we cannot date!" Eren declared. "Why the hell not? You aren't thinking that it is incest are you?" she responded.

"No. I would be related to that bastard by law" Eren said, while pointing at Levi.

** 52\. I will not end everything with 'in accordance with the prophecy'. **

Levi walked through the halls holding a torch and some gas, while Connie murmured in his corner "In accordance with the prophecy", while crying.

**53\. Nor will I reply to everything with 'thats what she said.' **

Connie was later found face planted in Wall Sina.

**54\. I will not transform into a titan to scare the new recruits.**

Eren was bored, he ended up blowing a hole in the roof.

**55\. I will not invent a new language.**

Eren created pig latin and tried to talk to titans with it. It didn't work and he is still regenerating his left leg.

**55\. I will not plan world domination.**

"COME MY GNOMES! WE SHALL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" was all Levi had to hear from Hanji to make him turn around and walk the other way.

**56\. I will not speak japanese.**

"Konnichiwa Mikasa-sama!" was Jean's 589th attempt at winning her over, this time using Mikasa's language. She walked the other way. Again. For the 590th time.

** 57\. I will not switch Eren and Jean's bodies.**

Screams were heard for many miles.

**58\. I will not compare the Suvey Corps to the Avengers.**

"Hey Jean? I just realized that the Survey Corps are like the Avengers." Armin said as he sat on a couch reading a book while Jean was playing a game of chess with Connie.

**59\. Nor will I compare Eren to the incredible hulk.**

"Eren is the hulk, because he can transform like the hulk can." Armin continued.

**60\. Nor will I compare Mikasa to Black Widow.**

"Mikasa is Black Widow because of her skill set. She is athletic, lithe and kills anything as if its a joke." he added.

** 61\. Nor will I compare Erwin to Nick Fury.**

"And Erwin would be Nick Fury, because he is the badass commander!" Armin finished.

"Armin, who in the HELL are the Avengers?" Jean asked

**62\. I will not declare today national cleaning day.**

Eren, Connie, Jean and Mikasa ended up scarred for their lives after seeing Levi singing 'Celebrate' and dancing. With a broom.

**63\. I will not study Levi to see why hes so short.**

Eren had his right hand promptly removed.

**64\. I will not study Krista and Armin to see why they look so similar.**

Ymir eventually came to the realization that Krista and Armin were actually long lost cousins.

**65\. I will not invent a new religion.**

"I call it, JEANISM!" multiple fangirls declared

**66\. I will not worship Jean in this new religion.**

"All hail the great Jean!"

**67\. Nor will I name him 'Jean, god of horses.'**

"All hail the God of Horses...All hail Jean!"

**68\. I will not stalk Eren.**

Eren locked himself in his closet and didn't come out for a 3 days. Mikasa became depressed.

**69\. I will not stalk Levi.**

Connie woke up for another day of trolling Levi by stalking him, only to find that his head had been covered in whip cream.

**70\. I will not stalk Armin.  
**

Armin stabbed Jean after 3 days of being stalked.

**Hey Guys, its Erik's thought projection again! Just wanted to apologize for breaking my arm and depriving you guys of some LOL time, so enjoy this extra long chapter!**


	7. Chapter 7

**71\. Do not fill Levi's room with balloons.  
**

Levi went to open his door and when he was unable to open it and he heard squeaking of balloons, he did what anyone would do. "YEAGER!"**  
**

**72**. **Do not super-glue a horse mask to Jean's face.**

When he woke up, he did the only logical thing. He screamed like a girl.

**73**. **Do not pull the hand in the warm water prank on Armin.**

When Jean slowly put his hand in then water, he spun around, used his other hand to slam the water into jean's face and said "Do me a favor and fuck off horse face."

**74**. **Do not give Annie coffee.**

"heywassagoinonnyanynanynanyna!" was all that was said before she passed out.

**75**. **Do NOT give Hanji alcohol.**

Oh god why...

**76**. **Do NOT host a national prank day.**

Pie was throw, Scarves stolen, fake weddings arranged and beds peed.

**77**. **Do NOT leave Erwin alone with explosives.**

He giggled like a small child as things went boom.

**78**. **Do NOT allow Levi to teach Sex Ed.**

"Just think of your dick as a titan killling blade and the pussy as a titans neck! Shove it in then pull it out! In out, In Out...In out... in out"

He started smiling, quite insanely, while thinking about murdering titans.

**79**. **Do not allow Hanji to be the Survey Corps therapist.**

After multiple soldiers ran from her screaming, including Levi, Erwin cancelled the program.

**80\. Do not make Eren think Mikasa is dead.**

It was unanimously decided that Mikasa needed a vacation and so she was given one. Unfortunately, jean learned about it before eren so he and Connie made the prank. Mikasa would be gone for a mont and they were going to make Eren think that she was dead. He trained so hard that he quickly rocketed to Mikasa's skill level. He even mastered Levi's wheel of doom. He trained himself to death, barely ate. When Jean and Connie realized that the joke had gone to far, it was too late. When Mikasa got back all eren did was say "oh boy! The hallucinations have started! Hey mikasa, where's mom?" before he got punched in the face by Mikasa. "I'm no hallucination dimwit!" She yelled at him. "You aren't dead!" Was all eren could get out before pulling her into a hug. "Who told you I was dead?" Mikasa asked. "JEAN!" "Oh shit"

**Sup people! Erik here, sorry I haven't updated. I was so desperate to get you guys this chappy, I wrote it on my IPod. **


	8. Chapter 8

**81\. I will not steal books from Armin **

Death ensued.

**82\. Nor steal anything from him period**

Even more death.

**83\. I will not let Hanji learn about the Internet.**

Yaoi! YAOI EVERYWHERE!

**84\. I will not anyone of the 104th squad have a dog.**

Levi trained his to bring him vodka, Eren gave his to Mikasa when he saw his own dog doing things to hers, Armin trained his dog like any normal person would, and the rest just gave the dogs back to the nice man.

**85\. Nor a cat**

The Cats were quickly returned to the old lady after a dog tried to eat, then hump one of them.

**86\. Nor a fish**

The fish was given to Eren, because, as Levi put it "You can't kill something that is as smart as you". The fish died within the week.

**87\. Or anything in general -even a rock**

Connie just ended up hitting his head on said rock.

**88\. I will not host a free buffet to the survey corps**

Sasha happened. Hanji was reinstated as therapist because she was the only one who WASN'T crying in their rooms.

**89\. I will not compare anybody to Spider-Man**

"Hey Connie?" Armin asked. "Yeah?" Connie responded. "I just realized that we are like Steampunk Spider-Men" Armin said. "The fuck are you talking about Armin?!" Connie exclaimed.

**90\. I will not have Connie sneaked into the Corporals home**

Tortured screams were heard for miles.

**91\. I will not have Eren read Mikasa's diary**

He stopped after the 17th fantasy of her raping him.

**92\. I will not have Eren read any of Armin's ... adult books either**

Even More Screams.

**93\. I will not fill Armin's or Jean's room with Custard.  
**

CUSTARD EVERYWHERE! IT WAS EVERYWHERE! No one noticed the man with an accent and a coat appear, dip a fish stick into the custard then disappear in his blue box.

**94\. I will not inform Mikasa that Eren got taken from the Military Police**

The Military Police never stood a chance. She was found cuddling a horrified Eren. Covered in blood.

**95\. I will not inform Ymir that Historia was suddenly missing**

Histora had to be brought out when Ymir pulled out a gun.

**96\. I will not have Sasha use her bow when drunk**

Surprisingly enough, she didn't miss. Or Kill anyone.

**97\. I will not let Erwin know of the existence of nuclear weapons**

Annnd, the maniacal grin is back.**  
**

**98\. I will not have a prank war with Armin**

Eren woke up with all of his limbs regenerating.

**99\. I will not have Armin research his family tree**

He smiled, walked up to Erwin and promptly punched him in the face for giving him up for adoption.

**100\. I will not leave Levi in a ditch.**

His yells of "HELP ME, I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP" echoed even more than the screams of Mikasa.

**101\. I will not let Jean insult a horse**

"I can't insult my own kind!"

**Annnnnd thats it! Done, finally! I've thought of a fun fic so that should be posted within the next three weeks or so.  
**

**HA! JK ONE MORE!**

****102\. I will not have Hanji teach Sex Ed to the girls. ****

"Okay, the first time can, and probably will suck. Horribly, unless you are with a partner who is kind and loving. But fuck that! It hurts like a bitch and you will probably bleed alot too!" as Hanji continued to ramble on. Ymir and Historia swore eternal celibacy that night. Fortunately, they were already F- *Author gets hit with a brick and passes out* "Now that He is out of the way, I can finally take over" Armin muttered, another brick ready in his hands.


End file.
